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Slave Selection and more… an interview with Simon Blaise
Eibon: I had the pleasure of attending a course of Simon's at Thunder this year, "Slave Selection and Initial Training", and was not only impressed by his presentation but also impressed with the fact that this sort of solid information is starting to flow through the scene. Enjoy...
Eibon: Let's start with your background in the lifestyle. You mentioned that you got started at the age of 21 - a very young age for a Dominant. What was this like for you? Did you have trouble being taken seriously for a few years?
Simon: Actually, I was formally introduced into the BDSm lifestyle at the age of 19 at an underground club "Dungeon" in Hawaii back in 1994. I had no trouble being taken seriously as I was a mentee and not a Dominant. I learned a lot and my mind was expanded on more than just being kinky, but human sexuality, spirituality and friendship. To this day, I am still figuring out lessons and advice I was given from my mentor and others years ago. As for now, at age 33, even though I may have more experience than some, I am still considered young and my confidence as a person is sometimes mistaken for arrogance. Many do not know I served as a US Marine, a police officer and now, I am a part-time college professor and attorney, which tends to make me feel pretty confident about who I am and my abilities as a person in general. With that said, it's been a challenge for others to take me seriously when they are my own age or older. I take it in stride so to speak and remain patient. I've even tried downplaying my training and experience to help others feel more comfortable and like me for me, but that has blown up in my face as with any lie, it can be lived for only so long before the gig is up.
Eibon: You've made mention of mistakes that you made in earlier years. Care to talk about any of the more spectacular ones?
Simon: I haven't sent anyone to the emergency room, yet. My greatest mistakes have been associated with slave selection and initial training. I have failed to see the warning signs of things like mental disorders, drug use, sex or play addiction, eating disorders, personality disorders, general incompatibility, etc, that were very apparent from the onset that had I taken more time during the interview process, I would have discovered and avoided much turmoil and /or heartache -- which is why, after making so many mistakes with selection, I refined my approach and eventually distilled it into a class: Slave Selection and Initial Training that I now teach nationwide.
Eibon: How long have you been involved with BDSMmentors and what initially got you involved?
Simon: I am a mentor for BDSMmentors.com, however, I have only taught one class and coached for a single tail course. They haven't asked me back in a while, so I am not sure I can honestly say I am "involved" with that group. However, I do support it 100%, promote it when I can, and I believe the program is an essential stepping stone for anyone who wants to learn more about the BDSm lifestyle.
Eibon: What's the most common mistake you see young/new Dominants make?
Simon: Mostly the very same ones I made. Trying to turn vanilla girls into kinky submissives can be a big mistake, or rather, a waste of time if a proper interview selection process is not adhered to. In sum, the greatest mistake is rushing too fast into a D/s relationship without taking time to get to know each other as people. This can be done while maintaining a light to medium dominant and submissive dynamic as I explain in my classes. As for impact play, I haven't seen much in the way of mistakes out here as most public/high-profile Dominants have been doing this for a while and take newer Dominants under their wing more readily now days. Also, not treating their submissives with respect is a big mistake in my eyes as I can see no greater disrespect to the self than to disrespect a fellow human being. Humiliation and rough sex have their place as things that arouse and entice, but to take that into the day-to-day relationship is a boisterous passion no one, regardless of lifestyle, should subject themselves to.
Eibon: What's the most common mistake you see young/new submissives make?
Simon: They tend to gravitate towards one Dominant in particular without talking with a wider range of Dominants and other submissives before selecting the Dominant they want to play with or eventually serve. And the biggest mistake for submissives is rushing into a D/s relationship too fast and not fully considering the advice of friends and fellow kinksters.
Eibon: In the 'Slave Selection and Initial Training' presentation you advise others to not get sexual too fast, and basically to not put an emphasis on sex.
Simon: I see a man putting his penis into a woman's vagina as a submissive act, which is one of the primary reasons a Dominant should pump his breaks and slow down before he jumps to intercourse so he can have a moment to establish his dominance and do his best to ensure she's there not only for intercourse, but to engage in the other aspects of a D/s relationship as well.
Eibon: Based on this and other comments you've made I have two questions:
1). Do you believe purely (or primarily) sexual expressions of BDSM are less legitimate than non-sexual ones?
Simon: No, I do not believe there is anything non-sexual about BDSm as the aspects that are non-sexual in appearance, or even substance, are always tied into a sexual aspect of BDSm somewhere along the line. To put it another way, if something someone does is utterly non-sexual, and it's tied to nothing sexual, it's probably not BDSm. Can you give me an example of a non-sexual expression of BDSm? And for me, watching my girls wash dishes, vacuum, dust, etc is highly arousing for me. As for other non-sexual aspects like what some refer to as "energy work", such practices make the sexual expression that much more potent and meaningful. The sexual and non-sexual are more like a ying yang surrounded by the flames of order and discipline that a D/s relationship can provide.
2). In the 'Slave Selection' presentation you mention to decide what type of slave you want, and list "sexual slavery" as a valid type. If you want someone for sexual slavery then what adjustments would have to be made to your standard MO of not including sex too early?
Simon: It's not including sex too early as much as it is rushing too fast into a relationship. When a man has vaginal or anal intercourse with a woman, his body is making promises his mind may not be aware of -- a deeper level of bonding can happen so it's important that the Dominant make as much of an informed decision as possible before taking it to a sexual level. For me, the time period is the same, I have sex when I feel she is worthy of such a bond with me.
Eibon: What is the most rewarding aspect of your mentoring work?
Simon: Seeing a former mentee in a happy and successful D/s relationship.
Eibon: What do you enjoy least about the BDSM scene?
Simon: There is a level of competition in our younger generation of BDSm that I wish could be transcended, however, those who are heavy into humility are just as insufferable as being "very humble" can be an even greater act of the ego than its opposite. I believe that competition only begets victory at the cost of another's defeat, when teamwork and unity towards a common goal begets comradery, success and happiness. As one of my favorite songs goes, "Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself."
Eibon: What keeps you interested and engaged in BDSM?
Simon: The kind of bond and connection I have in a Master/slave relationship makes the standard type of relationship seem like playing piano underwater with a blindfold on. I will add that living the BDSm lifestyle in private for so many years has given me an appreciation of the public realm and the community of fellow kinksters that comes with it these past few years -- and my interest and engagement has significantly increased now that I have others, and some are even my own age, to share things with and bounce ideas off of.
Eibon: Also at Thunder you mentioned writing a book - what subjects will the book cover, and when can we expect it?
Simon: My book is intended to help others who are interested in experiencing a Dominant and submissive relationship with their significant other realize their own desires within the boundaries of reality, which I personally refer to as a "BDSm Inspired Relationship." Without the hypertrophy on tradition, one can better realize what it is that makes them happy and fine tune their own D/s household according to their preferences, wants, and needs without worrying if they are living their life according to others' preferences, wants and needs. The tentative subjects include exploring the D/s relationship from the perspective of our generation, slave selection and initial training, intermediate training, advanced forms of play (both impact and connection related), as well as other relevant topics to be announced. The book should be out early 2010.
You can learn more about Simon at his website:
SimonBlaise.com
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