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 On Love and D/s
Author: Lord HamiltonZ
There seems to be a feeling by some, that "love" lessens Dominance. That tenderness equates somehow with a lessened sense of "Mastery". Rubbish. Dominance and submission are emotional states, constantly in flux within a relationship. They may be aided by physical play such as S/M or B&D. But I need never lift a hand to be Dominant. I am Dominant and always will be, whether I take flogger to you or not. And you need never take a spanking or be tied to be submissive. Taking a caning or being used by Me for My pleasure is not what makes you a submissive.
My Dominance comes from My heart. Just as My love does. Do not confuse tenderness with weakness, and strictness with Dominance. I can be as soft and tender as a teddy bear and Dominate you. It is who I am. You follow Me because it is your heart's path to do so. It is, perhaps, your thought that a Dominant somehow needs to maintain their position, that they must "make" their submissives.. submit. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I don't have to _do_ anything to make you submit. If I have to make you do it, whether by use of coercion, pain, strength, blackmail, you are not submitting, you are not consenting. I am forcing.
There is a huge difference between a scene such as a mock rape or kidnapping, and living in a power exchange. Within the context of a scene I may threaten, cajole, use force, whatever... But in My relationship, I will not _make_ you do anything. I will not punish with anything more than disappointment and something to make you regard your error, perhaps a writing assignment or an unpleasant household chore. You submit to My will and My direction. I do not force you to follow.
Consent. You consent to our relationship. You submit to My will. If you do not, then perhaps it is best for you to seek someone who will play the game you seek. I don't play emotional games in My relationship. I expect submission. Submission does not mean blind obedience. Submission does not mean becoming a doormat. Submission means that you turn your will over to Me. My decisions are your law. That doesn't mean you can't argue, because I have charged you with looking after My best interests. You are charged with taking care of Me, meeting My needs. If I do something that you feel is against My best interest, it is your duty to ME to point that out. And My duty to you to listen. And then decide what to do. And once I make that decision it is your duty to try to make it come out right.
I have a responsibility to you as well. You have turned your will over to Me. I am responsible to meet your needs, to care for you. To nourish, to nurture, to help you grow stronger, wiser. So you in turn can care for Me better, so I can care for you better. We are not here to play emotional games with each other. If you have needs, communicate them clearly, honestly and directly. I am not a mind reader. Do not expect Me to meet them if you do not communicate them. I will, by default do as _I_ need to do. And if that is to be gentle, kind, loving, you have agreed to that by submitting to Me.
There seems to be some confusion also, between discipline, and punishment. Discipline is action taken to correct an unwanted behavior, to correct a problem. If I can correct that problem with a word, or a look, I _have_ disciplined you. Do not equate punishment with discipline. I may punish you within the context of a scene, the strict Schoolmaster spanking the naughty student, the Prison Guard beating an unruly prisoner, the Sadist tormenting a victim... But I will discipline you within our relationship as befits the offense.
Do not act out trying to goad Me into sternness, into strictness, into punishing you. If you are doing so, you are topping from the bottom. You are being deceitful in that you are not communicating your needs to Me honestly, directly or clearly. You are not going to get sternness, you will get anger. You won't get strictness, nor punishment, you will get disappointment and displeasure. You will not get discipline, you will get dismissed.
Think on these words, and use of them what you will. The path of My heart is not the path of all others. As always, YMMV.
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