BDSM Limits

There are 'individual' limits, pertaining to personal degree of desired emotions to accept or give, and 'general' limits, concerning the red line over which we can't talk anymore about consensual play but seriuos risk for mental or physical health. Let's start from here:

THAT THIN RED LINE

We said and repeated it, but will never be too much: SANE SAFE & CONSENSUAL. That is BDSM. That triad trace that red line - not to cross. But then we need to see how everyone shall intend those words. It is plain clear it is NOT SANE playing Bdsm with mentally disturbed persons, and that is NOT SAFE giving or receiving serious wounds and that is NOT CONSENSUAL forcing someone into play unwillingly. But then, is it sane to lick the sole of a boot? Is it safe to leave alone a sub tied up for an hour or so? Is it valid the consent from a person deeply in love with us who's evidently looking to feel us closer, or who fears to miss us? Is it honest to involve third parts into a couple game? Is it consensual the public play before an incidental audience? Upon those and similar matters every BDSMer have to put a serious thought by himself and with people he wants to play with.

They are also typical topics discussed in Bdsm communities all around the world, and sure it helps all of us clarifying what we want and where exactly our red line stands. Given that, i do believe there are no definitive answers. Everyone shall perceive situations in a different way, and every situation or person are somehow different from another one. So there were periods when i considered some games to be over the red line, and after some years i found myself playing them and feeling again sane and safe. And like me lots of other BDSMers can tell you the same. Moreover, for some people their fantasy world include INSANE. UNSAFE and NON-CONSENSUAL Bdsm fantasies. I knew dozens of equilibrated, pleasant, sentimentally and socially functional persons who get excited at the thought of being raped, castrated, forced to perform revolting or very dangerous acts or other way tortured in a surely unsafe way. And basically i knew the same number of other persons who get excited dreaming about inflicting all those things. Is it sickness? Is it a bad symptom? I can't say. But since today noone i knew realized those fantasies as far as i know. They just play their SSC kinky games and talk about those fantasies as "extreme dreaming", and that's all. If interested, you can found here more specific discussion on sexual pathology.

INDIVIDUAL LIMITS

BDSM play give undoubtedly very intense emotions, that could came from a whiplash streak, being kneeling on the ground or amusing the show of our partner tied up. And of course everyone will feel different limits upon those and other situations. Doms have their limits on tastes, capabilities and experience to manage the scene and giving the sub the feel to be "in control". But when choosing practices and degrees it is clear that limits are firstly concerning subs. Every sub have, inside that red line we said, his own personal limits. For every possible game, we can talk about two different factors: arousal and will to play. So there will be games a sub is aroused by and want to live, others he's aroused but only as fantasies (talk play), others he can accept to live but is not aroused by (usually games for the Dom's pleasure or punitive games) and at last there will be for sure games the sub is not aroused and don't want to play. Those of "when NO means NO".

Then, into every single game, a sub have again his own degree limits. There is who can't bear a pair of clothespines on his nipples for more then some minutes and those who bear metal clamps, weights and pulling for hours. There's who is deadly aroused in licking clean the soles of Dom's shoes and those who can barely kiss a feet, who bear hours of whipping and those who's broken after five minutes of spanking. No one among them is 'right' or 'wrong', as no one is more or less definitely satisfying. The pleasure, Dom's and sub's one, stands mostly in getting closer the sub limit and forcing him to cross it. It is a magical moment, most delicate, that praise all player with the most intense emotions. Forcing too fast or failing to feel where the limit is can be called a Dom's failure. When a sub stiffens instead of relaxing and accept the lead when pushed closer to his limits, we can talk of a sub's failure. It is plain clear that limits aren't forced in two minutes, and especially into public or occasional games it is not a good idea to push a sub to his limits.

It's then quite clear how much important is Dom's deep sensitiveness and sub's full faith to his Dom. Premises in lack of whom Bdsm play can also involve serious risks.