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 The Joys of Journaling
Author: Kayla Kuffs
You've read this many times in the context of BDSM, COMMUNICATION is one of the most important aspects of a BDSM relationship. It's true. Without good communication your relationship is doomed to fail. Let's face it, we indulge in activities that are pushing the edge of safety, both emotionally and physically, every day in this lifestyle. Clear communication is one of the primary tools we have to keeps us physically and emotionally safe.
Talking face to face is the best choice for communication. Free flow conversation between the dominant and submissive is really our ultimate goal. But it is not always possible for that to happen. Shyness, embarrassment, emotion and distance are only a few of the hurdles that make the spoken word difficult at times. A communication aide that has become extremely popular over the last few years is blogging. Also known as keeping a journal or a diary, this activity has been a staple in many people's lives for generations, and with the invention of the Internet more and more people are turning to this form of record keeping as a communication tool.
Keeping a diary, journaling or blogging has become all the rage in the last few years, many people, submissive or not, are now keeping them and many more are reading them. Why? It's a great form of communication, a place where the author can write freely about what they are thinking about the world around them. Thoughts run free, emotional issues get presented logically, fantasies can be revealed. The uses are endless.
When you're beginning a new relationship or if your submissive is relatively new to the lifestyle, you might consider getting them to start a journal. There is a wealth of information to be gleamed from a submissive's journal and it could end up being one of your most valuable resources.
In asking your submissive to begin a journal you will be opening a window to both their brain and their heart. You can give them direction as to what you want to see there. Fantasies they'd like to live out (or ones they like to think about but don't particularly want to live through), thoughts about the scene you had with them last weekend, or about what they feel is working well for the two or you, or what needs some attention. It can be their place where they may just let their own thoughts and wishes be explored. There are all kinds of uses for a journal.
For those in a long distance relationship journaling can help keep you in touch with the day-to-day happenings of your submissive's life. Their life, in a general sense, the part you don't really get to participate in. You can discover how they handle certain situations or get a better understanding of who their friends are and how they spend their time when they are not with you.
Even for people who live together, journaling can be a great tool. I know many submissives who feel very comfortable writing in their journal. It's their free space to discuss things they might be afraid to bring up face to face with their dominant. Though we are usually told we are supposed to tell our dominants everything, sometimes it is easier to write it down than to speak it. Writing can be especially helpful if the topic might be to ask for something or to be critical of something that either the dominant or submissive have strong feelings about. It forces us into putting things down in a logical order when we're highly emotional or very nervous.
Not only are journals beneficial for the dominant, they are immensely beneficial for the submissive. On a personal level they have a record of their progress in life. Reading back there are concrete references to various high and low points in their lives. They can see their growth and their weakness. Patterns form in our lives, journaling shows these patterns, the owner can learn from them. It's a positive and life affirming exercise.
Journals can also be used as a form of punishment. Insist on daily entries or perhaps have your submissive write about her punishment and the reason she's being punished. Perhaps you could have her write a secret fantasy that anybody who reads her journal will see.
It can be used for humiliation purposes also. You can have them write in detail a scene they were part of. Or send them off on an assignment and then have them write every last detail into the journal. The topics for journaling, or blogging, are endless.
There are many places on the web that are free and available for journals. Below is a list of just a few of the options available. Some sites are completely public, some are private. Some can be set one way or the other. It's up to you as how you'd like your submissive to use their journal. It is a tool I'd highly recommend.
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