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 A Brave New World
Author: jade
Being a new submissive isn't for the faint of heart. It requires you to be quick on your feet, intelligent and willing to do some work to learn who you are and what this lifestyle is all about. Only the very foolish rush in blind and hope to keep from making some major mistakes. There are a lot of very unscrupulous people who are just waiting their chance to take advantage of the inexperienced, novice submissive. You'll find them everywhere; online, in the D/s clubs and browsing the bulletin boards. They know how vulnerable new submissives are and are quite capable of taking you beyond your limits before you know what hit you, literally.
You need to know your rights, limits, safety issues, and a little information to help you fit into this new world. Learn how to protect yourself from injury, illness and abuse before you become involved in any serious D/s relationships or activities. This lifestyle isn't dangerous or threatening. Only the people who misuse it are. We have a creed in this lifestyle known as the "Safe, Sane and Consensual Creed" and it should be one of your guidelines as you explore this new realm.
Safe, sane and consensual -
Characterizes the acceptable play within the SM community: players adhere to safety precautions within their activities, do not participate in practices that will injure their partners (mentally or physically), and obtain consent by negotiating scenes and scene related activities before carrying them out.
Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns - Miller and Devon - Mystic Rose Books
Glossary, pages 235-236.
What does this creed mean?
It simply means that you have every right to remain safe from harm, physically and emotionally. The emotional part is sometimes much harder to protect. New submissives often wear their hearts on their sleeves. What seemed like only "playing" to a dominant can often be interpreted as much more to a submissive who has surrendered her heart as well as her body. I see this as one of the hazards of "scening parties." You may enjoy the thrill of experiencing some of these new activities with the local party dom/me and leave with all you body parts intact, but what price will it extract from your heart and emotional state? It works for some but many others form bonds all to quickly and feel abandoned when their scene partner moves on to the next starry-eyed novice.
Anything that happens to you must be consensual. This means you do not have to do anything you don't feel comfortable with. Don't fall for these old lines; "You have to do what I say because you're submissive" or "If you were really submissive you'd want to please me." They're not true and I'd question any dominant who used any line that resembled them. Your submission is a gift and gifts are given, not taken or demanded. Make sure you know exactly what's expected of you in any situation. Don't be afraid to ask questions and consider the answers carefully. You have the right to discuss all activities you participate in with your potential partner. This is called "scene negotiation" and it's done by even the most experienced submissives before engaging in anything from a simple spanking or bondage scene to a highly erotic scene involving sexual activity. If you're unsure of what you've been asked to do, don't do it.
Do I approve of play-party scening and casual encounters? Personally they are not for me but if it you can handle it and the "safe, sane and consensual" aspects are met, then do it. For some novices it's their only way to experiment with some things done in the lifestyle. Some of the well known groups such as PEP and the NLA have parties where novices can observe or participate in relative safety. Get to know a few of the members, preferably other submissives, before you jump in with both feet. And remember, it's only playtime so keep your little heart safely locked away.
Arm Yourself with Knowledge
We've all heard the horror stories of the things that can happen to those who are not armed with their phasers set on stun. Always remember, your best weapon is knowledge. You can never be too smart when it comes to knowing your rights and how to protect yourself. Before you take off on this voyage there are some things you should read to become acquainted with the inhabitants of the D/s world and their customs, as well as the dangers that you might face. There are links for you to follow to articles that will provide you with some of the basic things but you will need to consider purchasing or borrowing a few books on the subject as well.
Don't be afraid to ask questions of those you meet while exploring. If the answers don't feel right to you, they probably aren't. Develop a good instinct about people and learn to trust those feelings that stir inside your own heart. Trust isn't something that you hand to the first dominant you encounter. It takes time to learn about someone and what their values are. If you don't feel safe in trusting this person with your credit card you shouldn't even consider trusting them with your life. (Be careful with that credit card too. There are scam-artists out there just waiting to fleece an innocent sheep that happens to wander by.)
...don't be surprised if a submissive---particularly a female submissive---is forthright in demanding more information about you. After all, the submissive is the one who must feel secure in giving up freedom. There may be a few maniacal ax-wielding submissive around, but I haven't heard of any of them. The Ted Bundys of the world have made submissives understandably nervous.
The Loving Dominant - John Warren - Masquerade Books, Inc.
Chapter 6, page 77.
Take your time! There's no rush. There's no trophy waiting for the first submissive who crosses the finish line on this journey into self. What's waiting will most likely be a broken heart or worse if you speed along with no regard to your own needs as a human being. There are far worse things than being alone for awhile. Being in the wrong relationship is certainly one of those things. Set your goals and standards high. You're searching for the missing part of your own identity. Find it first before taking that next step of finding the One, that soulmate, the perfect part of the puzzle you're putting together.
Once you're just a little smarter than the average new subbie, you will find this exploration of your submissive side one of the most exciting adventures you've ever undertaken. It can be fulfilling and safe if you take your time and learn about YOU as you travel to places you've never gone before.
Best of luck,
jade
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